September 2, 2009 Two More Bites
Two more bites. We’ve all done it. Urged our kids to eat more at meal times.
In one study of kindergarteners, 85% of parents tried to get their kids to eat more. In fact, the researchers concluded that an overriding goal of the majority of parents of young children is to get their kids to eat more during meals.
Pressuring kids to eat more CAN work, but it doesn’t always.
This kindergartener study found that 83% of the kids ate more following parental pressure than they would have had they not been pressured. On the other hand, other studies have found that kids eat more when they aren’t being pressured than when they are.
Not all tactics are equally successful and MOST are just as likely to succeed as they are to fail.
Researchers found the kindergarteners actually ate more when their parents used neutral prompts – “Don’t forget to eat your meat,” – than when they applied direct pressure – “When I say eat, you eat!” or when they threatened to withdraw privileges – “You don’t eat, you can’t ride your bike.”
It’s ironic we spend our children’s toddler years urging them to eat more and their teen years worrying whether they eat too much. Is there a connection?
Researchers believe that children have an innate capacity to regulate their consumption of food. That is, unless their parents encourage them to subvert their internal cues of hunger and fullness in favor of external cues, such as their parents’ desire for them to eat more.
Only your child knows how much he needs to eat.
Sure there are nutritional recommendations about how much your child should consume but they are all based upon growth rates and activity levels. If you don’t know what those are on any particular day you can’t possibly know how much your child should consume. Let him decide how much he eats.
Pressuring your child to eat yields meager nutritional gains, but the damage to your child’s eating habits can be lasting.
Research has found that getting your kids to eat something, such as vegetables, by giving them dessert increases the desirability of dessert and decreases the desirability of the vegetables.
One study of college students founds that 72% of the students who had been forced to eat food as a child said they still wouldn’t eat that food today.
What you can do instead.
- Increase your child’s exposure to new foods; it’s the tactic that’s been shown to work the best.
- Use gentle, neutral pressure to get your child to eat – “Don’t forget the peas.”
- Figure out why your child isn’t eating. There are only 3 possibilities:
1) He’s not hungry because of a recent snack. In this case, alter snack time.
2) He’s not hungry because he’s not hungry. Let him eat the amount he wants.
3) He’s not eating because he’s distracted, or wants to eat later, or wants something different to eat. In these cases, teach your child to eat at meal times. (See My Child Won’t Eat in a High Chair and Why Won't My Child Eat Dinner? for some specifics on how to do this.)
I would love to hear from you:
Were you pressured to eat when you were a child? If so, how did you feel about it and have there been any lasting effects?
Do you ask your kids to eat more because you worry they’ll lack proper nutrition if they eat the amounts they want?
Do you believe you need to teach your children how much they should eat at mealtimes?
Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.
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Sources:
Batsell, R. W., Jr., A. S. Brown, M. Ansfield, E., and G. Y. Paschall. 2002. “"You Will Eat All of That!": a Retrospective Analysis of Forced Consumption Episodes.” Appetite 38: 211-19.
Galloway, A. T., L. M. Fiorito, L. A. Francis, and L. L. Birch. 2006. “'Finish Your Soup': Counterproductive Effects of Pressuring Children to Eat on Intake and Affect.” Appetite 46(3): 318-23.
Orrell-Valente, J. K., L. G. Hill, W. A. Brechwald, K. A. Dodge, G. S. Pettit, and J. E. Bates. 2007. “"Just Three More Bites": an Observational Analysis of Parents' Socialization of Children's Eating At Mealtime.” Appetite 48(1): 37-45.
Reader Comments (12)
Great post. I think about this all the time with my two year old. I try to ask her if she's hungry before telling her it's time to eat, or how much or precisely what to eat. I knew a woman who as a child had a grandmother who constantly pressured her to eat. One day, she threw her sandwich in the trash when he grandmother wasn't looking because she simply wasn't hungry. Her grandmother pulled it out of the trash and forced her to eat it. Not surprisingly, she dealt with a long battle with bulimia as a young adult.
I do suffer mildly from the effects of the "clean plate club" but try to remind myself that I don't have to finish everything.
With my daughter (almost 4), I don't force her to eat if she says hungry, but do remind her that it's mealtime and there won't be snacks available immediately after if she changes her mind. The only place I struggle is when she eats very little of her healthy food and tells me she wants dessert (which I don't generally offer otherwise). That's the only time I ask her to eat a little more healthy food before having sweets.
The grandmother story is incredible. I wonder if she made her granddaughter eat the sandwich out of the trash because she was concerned about her nutrition, or because she was worried about the waste.
It's such a hard balance - wanting our kids to eat well nutritionally but doing it in such a way that doesn't give them bad habits.
Thanks for sharing your stories.
Dina
I was told the other day by a pediatrician and good friend that worries that kids are eating too much now begins with parents when kids are 8 or 9. There is huge pressure to stay slim (read underweight) - particularly for girls. It seems that urging toddlers to eat more and then kids to eat less starts before the teen years. Thanks for opening up this important conversation.
I think the pressure for girls to be thin is tremendous. How sad to think it starts even earlier than the teen years. It's quite a paradox though that parents urge their toddlers to eat more and their teens (or preteens) to eat less.
Thanks for your comment,
Dina
I remember being made to sit at the table long after everyone else had left, because I refused to eat my meat. I couldn't figure out how to eat it - the texture was to dry, and chewing it didn't ever help it any, just made it worse. I wasn't allowed to leave the table, and it was very upsetting. Eventually I decided that I would just swallow the food pretty much whole, just to get it down and be able to leave the table.
20 years later, I don't remember any nutritional benefit from eating my meat that day. What I DO remember is the emotional frustration at not being listened to, and not being allowed to say "No".
Leticia,
I had a similar experience of being made to stay at the table until I had finished my meal and it was awful. I agree that there is no nutritional benefit to this practice. Do you still dislike meat?
Dina
I think "gentle pressure" is the key. I will sometimes take my toddler's fork and put a few string beans on it and then lay it back down on his plate. Without any words from me he usually picks up the fork and eats what's already on it. Of course then my 5 year old wants to "prepare a bite" for me too. So I let her take my fork, pick some food on my plate to put on it and then lay it back down on my plate. It is sort of a game - encourages self-feeding yet allows me to say without words, hey, don't forget the string beans! Sometimes little kids simply forget to keep eating when they are at the table.
www.veggietoddler.blogspot.com
Rosalie,
I think you're right to prepare bites for your toddler. It's a great way to help little ones along and teach them how to eat (a bite of this, a bite of that). At this age, I think of this technique as structure, not pressure. :)
Dina
I am in the same boat as Jessica who said that she "doesn't force her child to eat if she says she's not hungry, but does remind her that it's mealtime and there won't be snacks available immediately after if she changes her mind." And I also struggle in the same place she does... I don't want the dessert to feel like a "reward" for eating the healthy foods, but I also don't want my kids to get in the habit of not eating dinner and then filling up on dessert. I want to try to teach them the balance of eating - that sweets are okay, but it is also important to give your body the nutrition it needs... So we do often talk about eating "2 more bites" of chicken or broccoli or whatever it is, if they want to have something sweet later. What do you make of that? Where do you stand on dessert?
Also, we don't really serve things they don't like and if/when we do, we never insist that they eat it, only that they try it. Then if they don't like it, they have other options on their plate. But they have learned that some foods they thought they wouldn't like were yummy.
Amy,
I suggest that you teach your kids to balance healthy and sweets by 1) how frequently you offer sweets in relation to how often you offer healthy and 2) paying attention to serving size (this will also ensure your kids don't fill up on sweets). Making healthy food the gateway to sweets only teaches kids that eating healthy food is the price of admission to the sweets and treats they desire.
Regarding dessert: I think dessert is a great idea, but it needn't always be sweet. In fact, if you make it a habit to serve fruit for dessert you'll be teaching your kids a valuable habit and you'll also have a hidden weapon when your kids haven't eaten as much dinner as you would like them to. (And if your kids won't eat fruit, then they're not that hungry.) When you are having a sweet dessert, it would be a healthier habit to teach your kids to save room for dessert rather than to eat more dinner in order to get it.
Glad to hear your kids are trying new foods, some of which they find yummy.
Dina
I'm new to your site, and I'm loving it! I have a 2 year old and 7 month old and I'm currently steeped in this process of re-training my toddler and starting right with my 7 month old. The two books that have really helped with this are "Baby Led Weaning" and "Just Two More Bites." My husband, in theory, agrees with this new approach, but he's struggling with the worry aspect. Both of us had periods growing up where there wasn't enough food to meet our hunger because of economic conditions, mine was relatively short while his was a bit longer. Anyway, he has a hard time with waste and worries she's not getting enough, when she clearly is still carrying her "baby fat." I'm going to poke around some, but I'd love your thoughts on this if you haven't already posted.