January 26, 2010 The Upside of Hunger.
Ever have a kid not eat dinner, or not eat enough dinner?
Children who don’t eat enough can strike fear into a mother's heart.
It’s not just that our kids might get hungry (although that thought certainly tugs at our maternal heartstrings) or that we feel like it’s our duty to keep our kids well nourished (it is) but with hunger comes the child monster meltdown – the irrational, screaming, crying, can’t-be-calmed kid who makes us want to tear our hair out.
Making sure your kids never feel hungry might be making your life more difficult than you realize.
It seems like keeping kids full is tantamount to keeping them happy, but in practice it undermines your effort to teach them to eat right.
Consider letting your children feel hungry. (I don’t mean starve them, or make them weak from malnourishment.) Temporary hunger can be a good thing. Here are 10 reasons why.
1) Toddlers need to learn to connect the feeling (pangs in their tummies) with the problem (hunger) and the solution (eating). If they never feel hungry, they’ll never learn this connection.
2) Kids who are allowed to get hungry eat better at meals. They’ll sometimes even eat their veggies!
3) Kids who never feel hungry, never really know when they’re full – until they’re stuffed. If they start eating when they are less hungry they won’t stop until they’re more full because it’s the change in states from start to finish that helps to signals satiation.
4) Kids who learn they can “survive” short-term hunger don’t learn to fear hunger (a feeling that leads many adults to overeat).
5) Kids who are allowed to get hungry have an easier time distinguishing between physical and emotional hunger (because they’ve experienced physical hunger) and are less likely to soothe their soul with food.
6) Parents who let their kids feel hunger, allow them to choose whether or not to eat. This gives their children appropriate control over eating. Control is often what the eating struggle is all about.
7) Parents who are willing to let their children feel hunger recognize that their kids might not be hungry after all. By erring on the side of caution, they don’t teach their kids to overeat.
8) Parents who are comfortable with their kids’ hunger don’t let them snack too much. Snacking is the primary way Americans overeat and become overweight.
9) Parents who let their children go hungry after a skipped meal teach their children a valuable lesson: that hunger is the consequence of not eating. Toddlers don't automatically know this.
10) Parents who don’t fear their kids’ hunger aren’t manipulated into being short-order cooks.
Teach your kids to eat right by showing them when, why and how much to eat. Sometimes a little bit of hunger goes a long way.
~ Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits. ~
Reader Comments (4)
Great article! I think you're absolutely right. Too many parents give in instantly when their children demand snack foods just before or, worse, just after a meal. Or they give them pizza and hot dogs at every meal because that's "all they'll eat." Loading your kids up with sodium and sugar and giving them instant gratification to their demands is not going to give them good eating habits.
I think you are right. We have two simple rules considering eating and mealtimes at our house: 1.''The parents decide when and what is put on the table/plate, the children decide how much they eat." and 2. "You eat at least one bite of everything on your plate, then, if you don't like it, you can leave it." My two children eat everything we do, sometimes they'll eat three times the volume I eat and sometimes they'll leave the table with just one bite of everything on their plate, and they are neither overweight nor skinny. Of course we do watch what we offer, sweets and sweet drinks are limited. I am a GP, and it's also these simple rules that I like to hand to worried parents who say their kids aren't eating enough. Plus I tell them to only drink water in between meals, and water or milk at mealtimes, and reserve the juices and sodas for special occasions, because a lot of parent give apple juice or 'strawberry milk' to their kids so they get some 'fruit' and 'dairy products'... . And to set the example as a parent is also VERY important!
question: my 3yo son will go the whole evening/night w/o eating if it is not what he wants; now, at breakfast the next morning, do i only offer the previous night's skipped meal, another new breakfast type meal i know he won't want, or the waffles he is expecting to curb that hunger?!
Stephanie,
The good news is that your son can skip a meal and not die from hunger (that's good for parents to know). However, the bad news is you are involved in an enormous control struggle, and it sounds like your 3 year old is winning.
Instead of either offering the same meal for breakfast (which furthers the control struggle), or capitulating with the waffles (which also fuels the fire by teaching your son that holding out is a successful strategy) try something new. Here are two ideas:
1) Write down all the foods your son eats happily for any meal or snack. Then make a rotation schedule that mixes up what you serve so no food appears two days in a row (no waffles two days in a row for breakfast for example). Once this is established, start mixing up the meal or snack that a food is associated with (for instance, serving breakfast items at lunch, lunch items at dinner, dinner items at breakfast). Tell your son this is new rule, and remind him that you are only serving the foods he likes. Then let him eat or not, but don't stray from the rotation schedule you've decided on. Read House Building 101 for more on this.
2) Pick a backup food that your son likes but which he doesn't love, and which you can pretty much have on hand. Then, tell your son that anytime he doesn't want a meal he can have that backup (but no others). Make sure the backup isn't something you have to cook. Then, next time your son says he doesn't want dinner, casually say, "You can have the backup if you want." This typically diffuses the struggle immediately. Read How Cottage Cheese Changed My Life.
Good luck.
Dina