September 7, 2010 It Doesn't Matter WHEN Your Kids Eat Their Crap
Parents are obsessed with the order in which their kids eat food!
Or at least that is what an alien visitor would probably conclude.
- “Finish your food. Then you can have dessert.”
- “Two more bites of broccoli before you eat your brownie.”
- “If you want some ice cream you have to eat your pizza first.”
- “No, you may not have candy before breakfast. You have to wait until after lunch.”
But really, it doesn’t matter when your kids eat their crap; what matters is how much crap they eat.
Trying to control when your kids eat their sweets and treats is a losing battle.
As far as I can tell, parents don’t fixate on regulating the order of their kids’ eating because they’re concerned about etiquette. (Although, on some level it is true that we do need to teach our little heathens not to attack dessert first so they’ll pass muster at their first black-tie event, but that’s material for another post.)
Instead, parents become timekeepers for two reasons:
1) Parents are convinced that without a little incentive their kids would never touch anything green.
2) Parents are trying to convey something about the relative importance of sweets and treats compared to vegetables and other healthy foods: sweets come last because they’re less essential.
Unfortunately, neither goal can be accomplished by holding out on sweets and treats.
Research shows that:
1) Bribing kids to eat broccoli is a surefire way to ruin its reputation — I’m having flashbacks to high school, and it’s not pretty — just as it reinforces the superior status of sweets. So kids learn that vegetables are important (like chores) but not desirable. This lesson lasts a lifetime.
2) Pressuring kids to eat something (and bribing or controlling the order in which your kids get to eat is indeed a form of pressure) makes kids eat less of the target food.
Trying to put vegetables and other healthy fare first doesn’t actually work.
Letting your kids control when they eat their sweets and treats isn’t the same thing as giving them a free-for-all.
You still need to provide some structured guidance.
1) Rather than teach your children that they need to eat healthy foods before they eat their sweets and treats, teach them the about proportion. In other words, teach your kids to eat more healthy foods and less sweets and treats overall. Read It Doesn’t Matter What Your Kids Eat!
2) Set a daily or weekly limit on sweets and treats and then let your children decide when they get the goodies. If you’re worried that candy before dinner will ruin your kids’ appetite, make sure the serving size is small. It won’t just solve your immediate problem; it’s also the right lesson for your kids to learn. Read Candy with Breakfast?
3) Reinforce the message at parties and other special-eating events where the desserts always look fabulous. Don’t insist your kids eat the healthy offerings before the desserts. Instead, give your kids some guidance on the goodies, and then direct them to the mains if they’re still hungry. (And make yourself feel better by remembering that at these events the healthy food isn’t usually that healthy anyway.)
4) Consider serving the dessert at the same time as the dinner.
5) Upgrade the quality of your kids’ snacks to include more fruits and vegetables and take the pressure off dinner. Read 10 Ways Improving Your Kids’ Snacking Will Improve YOUR Life.
Release yourself (and your kids) from the bondage of time. It will teach your kids the habits they need for a lifetime of healthy eating (and eliminate at least one of the headaches of parenting).
Read How Do I Get My Child to Eat More Growing Foods?
~ Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits. ~
Reader Comments (2)
In general, I agree with you - but I'm going to cry foul on this one. We've found that if my son has a sugary treat in the context of a meal, he stops eating the meal. For instance, he's allowed one (mini-size) piece of candy per day - we tried packing it in his lunch a few times and found the candy eaten, the lunch uneaten and the boy crabby and hungry after school. Same with dessert; if it's too close to dinner, he just stops eating in anticipation. I suppose all kids are different, but I would guess this is where these rules came to be. I agree, the placement of empty calories doesn't matter - but the behavior does.
We resolved this by deciding treats are separate from mealtime: my hope is this will teach him the difference between eating to satisfy his hunger and eating for pleasure; we're doing well thus far. After explaining our reasons (he didn't eat his lunch/dinner when we allowed a treat at his discretion) we made the candy an afterschool treat, and when we have it, we come back to the table for dessert about a half hour after dinner.
Michele,
Thanks for your comment. It sounds like you've come up with a great solution that works for you and your family. I think your approach is consistent with my post in one important way: it separates the eating of sweets from the eating of the healthy food. By not tying them together, and by offering up different amounts, you are teaching the concept of proportion.
I don't know the specifics of your situation, but some experts might say that you didn't give the "experiment" of providing the sweets with the main meal enough time to work. Some kids need the allure of the sweets to subside before they can even see the real food.
I love to hear feedback from the real world, so thanks again for your comment.
Dina