November 15, 2011 If You Are Good You Can Have a Cookie!
If you are good you can have a cookie!
Who hasn’t resorted to a little behavioral bribe? Food—or more specifically the lovely cookie—has the power to produce miraculous results: kids who wait patiently through phone calls, lines at the bank and even grocery shopping trips that take forever.
“You can have an ice cream if you play quietly by yourself for another 15 minutes.”
Don’t do it. It might just affect your children’s lifelong eating habits.
A 2003 Yale University study found that adults who remember their parents using food to control their behavior have higher rates of binge eating. They are also more likely to be excessively concerned about their weight, suffer from weight fluctuations, and other problems such as chronic dieting. Yikes.
Food works to reinforce behavior in the short term, but it also communicates mixed messages to children about the role that food should play in their lives.
So much parental energy goes into encouraging healthy eating, but then we reward our kids for behaving well by giving them…brownies!
These peas are good for you. These cookies are just plain good.
It makes sense that when parents reward children with dessert, these same children grow into adults who reward themselves with dessert. But it’s not just dessert consumption that is affected. A 2001 study found people whose families used food as a reward for success and good behavior were more likely to be bulimic than people whose families did not use these tactics.
1) The key to teaching kids to eat right is to keep your eyes on the long term prize.
Nutrition puts enormous pressure on parents to get the right foods into kids. And that pressure makes parents do crazy things. If you’ve ever found yourself wrestling under the table to get one more slurp of applesauce into your little superstar then you know what I mean.
One study of college students founds that 72% of the students who had been forced to eat food as a child said they still wouldn’t eat that food today.
And a substantial body of research shows that pressuring kids to eat more makes them eat less. Give up your membership in the Clean Your Plate Club. Instead, pay attention to the long-term lessons your kids are learning.
2) Carefully use rewards to encourage healthy eating, but avoid using food to encourage behaving.
In an earlier post I talked about the power of rewards so I wouldn’t blame you if right about now you were thinking that I am the contradiction queen. I don't think I am.
Giving stars as a reward for eating behavior—trying new foods, for instance, or eating vegetables before the rest of the meal—is completely different than using food as a reward for desirable behavior. Read Star Power.
I'm not going to dispute that rewarding your kids with foods they really like will get their attention, but pulling out the big guns (and let’s be honest, nobody bribes good behavior with broccoli) overpowers kids. Really big rewards produce really big results because of the amount of pressure they apply. What's a poor kid to do?
But while using food coercively works, it won't position your kids to develop a positive relationship with food. Research confirms this.
3) Look for non-food rewards that work.
Here are a few ideas to get you started. Allow your kids to:
- Plan a special outing.
- Pick games for family game night.
- Choose a movie for the family to watch.
- Select a sport for everyone to play together.
- Stay up a few minutes past bedtime.
- Allow a sleepover.
- Have a few friends over for a special “party.”
- Choose a small toy from a special toychest.
- Play an extra computer game.
I’ve often said that you shouldn’t sacrifice your kids’ long term eating habits for the sake of the immediate meal.
Here I’m saying, don’t sacrifice your kids’ long term eating habits to stave off the immediate meltdown. Instead, arm yourself with an arsenal of non-food rewards and set your kids up for a life time of healthy eating.
~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~
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Sources:
Batsell, R. W., Jr., A. S. Brown, M. Ansfield, E., and G. Y. Paschall. 2002. “"You Will Eat All of That!": a Retrospective Analysis of Forced Consumption Episodes.” Appetite 38: 211-19.
Puhl, R. M. and M. B. Schwartz. 2003. “If You Are Good You Can Have a Cookie: How Memories of Childhood Food Rules Link to Adult Eating Behaviors.” Eating Behaviors 4: 283-93.
Reader Comments (6)
Out of curiosity, do you think the reverse would also be true? Is it harmful to take away food treats as punishment? That is one of the favorite techniques in this house. Not as in, snatching them out of his hands, but he gets dessert every day and we tend to threaten him with losing it if he's not listening.
Lisa,
This is an excellent question and I'm sorry that I didn't address it in the post originally. The answer, unfortunately, is yes. The Yale study that I cite actually put together a composite measure of control rules that included using food to reward or punish behavior.
I would recommend switching your strategy. Not only will it help you to avoid creating a power relationship around food, but consequences are more successful when they follow actions in a more timely way, not hours into the future.
Thanks for helping me clarify this post a little.
Dina
"Food as Reward" is a dangerous trap to fall into. Far too many adults I know still "reward" themselves with junk foods for going to the gym, finishing a work project or just because they're having a bad day. I assume this line of thinking was established when they were children and Mommy rewarded them for eating dinner/a good report card/doing a chore/behaving at a social event with a dessert. Why do we feel that exercise, which benefits our bodies is a punishment and that filling our body with nutritionally devoid "snacks" (let's not even get into frequency and portion size, because way too many people eat sweets/candy/baked goods on a daily basis and the portions often equal an entire real meal) is somehow a reward? Didn't dessert used to be a rare, special occasion (birthdays, big holiday meals) type of thing? Now it's expected that after lunch at a restaurant, we'll have a brownie sundae...on a weekday...just because.
Norma,
Thanks for your insightful comments.
Dina
Dina, I so appreciate every article on here! You have a very easy-to-read style of writing that just pulls me in; I read at least 2-3 articles every time I hop on here.
Thank you for all the wonderful ideas and alternatives to treating food like a reward/punishment system that you presented in this article.
Keep up the good work! Can't wait for your book :)
Lauren,
You're so kind!! I'm answering reader questions, so let me know if you have any!
Dina