December 6, 2011 The Easy Way to Solve Your Toddler's Decision to Suddenly Refuse Certain Foods
I’m pretty sure there’s no research (yet) to back up the strategy my husband and I used to combat my young daughter’s desire to eliminate foods, but it worked so well I have decided to share it.
We let her go on strike. It was a fast and effective strategy that produced the right habits. Here is how it worked.
My daugther would announce she was done with apples and we would jokingly say, “Oh, so you’re on strike against apples?” And she would proudly say, “yes!”
Now, I’m sure she didn’t know what on strike meant—after all, we weren’t raising a little labor relations lawyer! —but she quickly got the gist. When my daughter was on strike she didn’t have to eat whatever food had suddenly offended her (newfound) sophisticated sensibilities, even though she had been eating that item with no problem for ages.
- Apples? On strike!
- Oranges? On strike!
- Potatoes? On strike!
- Mushrooms? On strike!
- Cookies? Not a chance!
We didn't urge, we didn't reason, we didn't discuss. We simply checked in and accepted. (Of course, we also always kept the offending item on the menu and frequently ate it ourselves!)
Then, one day I realized the on strike list had grown a little bit long.
And so the next time my daughter announced she was no longer eating something, I rebelled. Management had finally taken a stand.
“You can only go on strike against 5 things,” I said. (Actually, I don’t quite remember how many on strike items there were, but 5 sounds like the right number.)
“If you’re going on strike against carrots,” I continued, “you’ve got to bring something back.”
My daughter considered. We waited. Times were tense and I worried: would she accept my list of demands? Or would there be a total work stoppage?
“Ok. I’ll start eating apples.”
And with that simple statement a crisis was averted. Relations were normalized. A new contract was signed!
6 Reasons why letting your child go on strike is a successful strategy.
1) Strikes keep things light. It’s hard to ask tots if they're on strike without smiling. If you don’t take food jags seriously, neither will they.
2) Strikes honor your toddler’s feelings. Strikes empower kids by giving them a say over what they eat, without locking them into a battle of wills.
3) Strikes don’t confuse Not Eating with Not Liking. Strikes give toddlers an eating “out” that acknowledges their craving for control. Children don’t have to convince their parents (and themselves) that they don't like something to make their point.
4) Strikes enable you to set reasonable limits. It’s realistic to regulate little acts of rebellion. It’s not really rational to try to set limits on liking.
5) Strikes help your child save face. It's easier for kids to end a strike than to say they've suddenly started liking something. Remember to check in regularly with your child. "Still on strike against apples?"
6) Strikes always end. And knowing this helps keep things light. (See point #1.)
Food jags are a normal part of toddler life.
Don't take them seriously (unless you want to solidify them).
It's a shocking thing for most parents to hear, but young kids don't know what they like because they don't have what researchers call stable taste preferences.
Check this out: In one study, more than 50% of 3-4 year olds didn't like the same flavor of ice cream two days in a row.
I say, if kids aren't even consistent about whether they like ice cream, what does that say about more challenging foods like broccoli, beans, and bananas?
What kids know is what they're willing to eat. Today.
Read What “I Don’t Like It” Really Means and You Can’t Feed Your Way Out of a Picky-Eating Problem.
Strikes work by changing the dynamic at the dinner table.
Strikes help you set the overarching parameters for eating while giving your kids some wiggle room. It's the no-pressure solution to what seems like an intractable problem. Read The Pressure-Cooker Problem and The Goldilocks Approach.
So the next time your toddler suddenly turns his nose up at tomatoes, resist the urge to interpret this arbitary food refusal as an indication of his taste preferences. Think of it as temporary strike instead.
~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~
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Source:
Liem, D. G., L. Zandstra, and A. Thomas. 2010. “Prediction of Children's Flavour Preferences. Effect of Age and Stability in Reported Preferences.” Appetite 55: 69-75.
Reader Comments (10)
I love this idea. It also helps to understand that my son does have a changing palate. At 15 months, he's not able to communicate his "strikes," but he has certainly gotten more particular in the past few months. I don't want to make a big deal of the fact that he's anti-foods-that-he-used-to-like, and describing it as a strike is the perfect way to respect his burgeoning independence while still allowing me some measure of parental control over his eating choices.
An interesting idea. I like the focus on "striking" rather than "disliking." But, couldn't the strike change every meal? And what if the strike is against just about every entree you put in front of them, but they are willing to eat endless amounts of fruit?
Thanks for this post- excellent way of handling this. I can't tell you how much your site has helped us in the last several months since we discovered it. I tell every mom I know about it. Thanks so much for the insightful content here.
Thank you! I need all the help I can get to fake indifference as my youngest keeps coming up with new foods to refuse.
Thanks for all your kind comments.
Jackie: if a child is on strike against everything you put out then you have something more serious than a food jag and you'll need a more serious tool. Have you considered using a backup? Read How Cottage Cheese Changed My Life.
Dina
LOVE your website. My girls are 6 and 4 and though they eat a healthy diet, it is very limited. I love variety for variety's sake. I gained a lot of perspective when both girls got their tonsils out last winter. We stocked the freezer with many kinds of popsicles, ice cream, frozen treats. Many of them are still there - freezer burned. They like vanilla. They are plain and simple girls, and until something has made dozens of appearances, it looks far too radical for their sensibilities. I am just going to keep eating kiwi in front of them until it looks as normal as apple. Thanks for all of your insights!
JGB,
Thanks for the kind words about my website. In addition to eating kiwi in front of your "plain and simple girls" try asking them to hold, smush, play with them. Also ask them to taste but not eat them. It'll help. Promise.
Dina
Hey, it's like the Stephen Colbert on-notice board, except for toddlers!
Excellent idea. I am loving your blog. As a mother of 2 picky toddlers this information is priceless!
Ha Ha Victoria!
Chanale: Thanks for the kind words. Let me know if you have anything specific you want me to address.
Dina