June 7, 2011 The Hunger Dilemma
Parents are presented with a BIG problem when kids say they’re not hungry.
I call it The Hunger Dilemma.
- Should you believe that your little tykes know what they’re talking about, thereby teaching them that they are masters of the universe (or at least masters of their own tummies)?
OR
- Should you use your special, souped-up, parent powers to divine hunger lurking around the corner (knowing that it will only rear it’s ugly head 5 minutes after you’ve finished cleaning the kitchen), and assert that your little buggers need to eat (more)?
Here’s a radical suggestion: Consider doing neither. Instead, teach your children better communication skills and then problem solve together. Be warned: You won't always get your way.
The key to communicating with your kids about hunger is to talk directly about the underlying issues….
Otherwise you’re simply treating the symptoms, not the cause,
Letting your kids dictate when and how much they eat is a lofty goal— and one I highly recommend you honor— but every parent knows it doesn’t cut the mustard in the real world because you also need to:
- Get enough food into your kids to keep them alive (and to keep those growth-chart toting doctors off your back).
- Sync your kids' inner eating clocks with the rest of the world (so they can enjoy family meals now and, hopefully, dating later).
- Teach kids to gauge how much they need to eat to make it to the next snack or meal without turning into whiny weasels.
- Streamline food production so you don't have to become a short-order cook, preparing mutliple meals on demand.
If these parenting challenges aren't enough, parents also have to cope with the fact that kids are apt to say they’re hungry or full based on strategic, rather than physiological, reasons. Read What “I’m Not Hungry” Really Means.
Tackle these problems head on, and the issue of hunger will take care of itself.
The Problem-Solving Approach.
Instead of asking your kids to finish their food (a practice fraught with perils), follow these 3 steps:
1) Share your concerns: I’m afraid you haven’t eaten enough and you’ll be hungry before it’s time for dinner.
2) Ask your children to share theirs: It seems like you don’t want to sit at the table right now. Instead, you want to play. Does that sound right?
3) Problem solve together: What if you eat some of your lunch at the table right now, and then I give you some fruit dessert to eat while you’re playing? Read When Playing is more Fun than Eating.
Solutions are found in the middle ground. Read The Goldilocks Approach.
You won’t always get your way.
Eating is a situation where you have to give a little to get a lot. Sometimes this means giving your kids permission NOT to eat. (Make yourself feel better by reading The Upside of Hunger.)
Problem-solving with your kids is the only way to:
- End the control struggle.
- Raise your children’s consciousness about hunger and satiety.
- Teach your kids how to eat in the social world.
~ Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~
Reader Comments (4)
Great advise! Getting the kids to help problem solve is such a great way to enforce that you are on the same team and not opponents.
An other thing I have learnt is that it really helps to just turn on the charm for dinner time. Be goofy, attentive, playful and funny - a force to be reckoned with in competition with playing. Put some marketing effort into mealtime. Sure sometimes (most of the time) you would probably rather discuss the political state of Yemen or climate change or bee keeping or whatever rocks you boat, but you will get to that point again and at least you wont be nagging and arguing as much in the mean time.
Thy:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. They are right on target!
Dina
So true. The other thing that I have found is that if I let my daughter help prepare dinner, she's more likely to eat it. She loves to stuff artichokes, put toppings on pizza, set the table, etc. Kids want to help and the kitchen is a great place to spend time with your child and do a little math and reading in the process.
Michele,
Yes, many kids love cooking...rather, organized playing with their food. And pizza is always a winner.
Dina