January 17, 2012 Are You Teaching Your Toddler to Overeat?
What are you teaching your toddler about how much to eat?
I know that everything you’ve ever read says that infants and toddlers self-regulate. That they only eat what they need. That they don’t overeat.
And that’s all true. Unless parents interfere with those internal mechanisms. And we all do it. All the time.
In one study of kindergarteners, 85% of the parents tried to get their kids to eat more. In fact, encouraging consumption was such a common phenomenon that the researchers were compelled to conclude that the majority of parents of young children have one primary goal: to get their kids to eat more during meals. Read Two More Bites.
I’ve written about the hazard of pushing your kids to eat more bites than they want—Read The Hunger Dilemma—but the problem of portion size is an equally important pitfall. It’s one of the key ways in which parents inadvertently override their children’s internal self-regulation system.
According to recent research:
- You are probably teaching your toddlers to eat too much.
- Portion sizes are out of control—even for toddlers.
- Most kids take in more calories than they need.
Portion size is not an insignificant issue. Research shows that how much you serve determines how much your kids eat.
Read Size Matters.
When we spend the first few years of our kids’ lives getting them to eat more, is it any wonder that they have to spend the rest of their lives trying to eat less? Habits learned early in life tend to stick around.
I’m not blaming parents. In fact, it’s almost impossible not to overfeed your kids in the current food environment.
Most foods are 2-5 times larger than they were years ago. Read How Big is that Bag? Eating in the Age of Portion Distortion.
But it’s not just that. Our cultural obsession with nutrition has created a culture of consumption. Everything you ever hear about nutrition centers on how much people should eat.
It’s not surprising that most parents are left with an uneasy feeling that they need to get more into their kids. More protein. More calcium. More fiber. More fruits. And, of course, more vegetables.
(One comment I read on someone's blog said that the writer didn't believe the government guidelines were adequate. She tried to get as much protein into her child as possible.)
Parents aren’t alone in their obsession with consumption. Read my Huffington Post piece: Are Pediatricians Hurting Your Toddler’s Eating Habits.
Stop worrying about nutrition. Research shows that our kids are generally taking in the nutrients they need.
Who knew? Our kids are getting their vitamins and minerals!
True, there are pockets of deficiencies—some kids aren’t getting enough iron for instance—but studies show that U.S. infants, toddlers and preschoolers are more likely to meet or exceed nutritional guidelines.
I’m not saying that there isn’t room for improvement.
- Dietary fiber intake is too low.
- Saturated fat intake is too high.
- And fruit and vegetable consumption should be improved (as much for the fiber these foods contain as for anything else).
Want your kids to eat better? Shift what they eat. Then, abandon any effort to make your kids to eat more food whenever you serve up the good stuff.
Serve less food. And let your child come back for more.
It's the simplest way to teach the right habits. Especially if you aren't really sure what the right serving size is.
Did you know that an appropriate portion of pasta for a 2 year old is 1/4 cup? That's 1/3 of a packet of Annie’s Real Aged Cheddar Microwavable Mac & Cheese. When was the last time you cooked up the entire packet but then served only 1/3?
One strategy for figuring out the right serving size is to use the Tablespoon technique.
Give your child a tablespoon of food per year of age. For a 2 year old this turns out to be...
- Breads and Grains: ½ slice of bread, ¼ cup pasta or cereal.
- Vegetables: 2 Tablespoons
- Fruits: 2 Tablespoons
- Dairy: ½ Cup
- Meat and meat substitute: 2 Tablespoons.
(I know these aren't all measured in Tablespoons. Don't blame me. I didn't invent the method.)
Children learn how to select an appropriate, child-sized serving from adults.
Every time you put a portion on the plate you are teaching your tots how much food they ought to eat.
So err on the side of serving smaller sizes and let your kids come back for more. It’s a habit that will set them up for a lifetime of healthy eating.
~ Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits. ~
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Sources:
Butte, N. F., M. K. Fox, R. R. Briefel, A. M. Siega-Riz, J. T. Dwyer, D. M. Deming, and K. C. Reidy. 2010. “Nutrient Intakes of U.S. Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers Meet Or Exceed Dietary Reference Intakes.” Journal of the American Dietetic Association Suppl 3, 110 (12): S27-S37.
Ramsay, S. A., L. J. Branen, and S. L. Johnson. 2012. “How Much is Enough? Tablespoon Per Year of Age Approach Meets Nutrient Needs of Children.” Appetite 58: 163-67.
Reader Comments (15)
Dinah, I don't know what to do with that information right now. My three-year-old just left the dinner table after eating one (1!) strand of spaghetti. I (obviously) don't make him eat, but I can't help myself to at least encourage him to eat more. I try to use words such as "check in with your tummy that it is really full" and such phrases, but they all mean the same really: please EAT!!!
Look I know that he has eaten other things during the day, but that was over 4 HOURS ago and breakfast is oh so far away.
Sorry just frustrated. Your post makes a lot of sense. It is always a treat to see that there is a new post from you.
This makes me think about our obsession with telling kids to "clean their plate" or they can't get dessert or whatever. Think about that, you're really going to make the kid eat more than they want in order to get even more calories? No wonder children are growing up with a distorted sense of portions. And when you learn those habits as a child, it's so much harder and you feel so much more deprived when you finally start eating reasonable portion sizes.
@Thy - I feel your pain! My 2 year old does the same thing! He eats quite a lot for breakfast/morning snack/lunch, and then practically eats nothing after he wakes from his nap.
I encourage him at dinner to "eat enough so you don't get hungry until breakfast time", but unless I offer "dessert" (plain yogurt &/or fruit), he won't usually eat more than a tablespoon of food TOTAL (let alone a tablespoon from each food group).
I try hard not to pressure him or stress out too much about it, but lately he's been waking in the middle of the night screaming for a banana (despite having a glass of milk before bedtime), which I have to give in to, or else he won't go back to sleep (and with a 6 month old, I really don't need another kid waking multiple times in the night!)
Dina - I'd love to hear your advice on how to deal with this?
Thy and Vestifarian -
It's hard to parent an undereater but you really can't make people eat more than they want to. I suggest you look for ways in which you have unintentionally created an incentive for your child not to eat at dinner. I suspect there are hidden culprits that, when combined with your child's naturally small appetite, create the situations you are both experiencing. So, for instance, Thy, you say your child won't eat more than a bite unless you offer dessert. This makes me think he holds out for that dessert. I suggest you either include the dessert into the meal or make it a regular part of the meal. Once your child can depend on that food he won't have to hold out to get it.
The key is to set up a structure for meals or snacks (rough times throughout the day) that occur regularly and which don't depend on your child's consumption to occur. No earning. No gauging is he still hungry or "how can I get him to eat." Be firm about non-eating times (though you can move a snack or a meal time up a bit if your child is starving). It's important, though, that your child know he cannot eat on demand. Then, look for ways in which you serve "preferred" foods outside of meals, thereby increasing your child's incentive not to eat meals. Put a pre bed snack in place (that's boring but nutritious) and don't feed your child in the middle of the night. I know it's hard, especially if you have a young baby and you need your sleep, but basically your child has learned that he can eat whenever he wants, just sometimes he has to have a fit.
Good luck. It's hard, but it's doable.
Dina
Dina, thanks for the advise. We don't serve dessert. I have instead incorporated fruit as one side dish of the meal for the very reason to get my toddler to not refuse the entire meal up front and at least check it out. All cards on the table so to speak. He always have the option of plain baby cereal, which he chooses to eat two to three times a week (iron fortified! I try not to focus on nutrition, but every now and again I go Anemia! or Scurvy!). Last nights dinner had several foods that he regularly eats (pasta, salmon, carrots, baby spinach, melon). He was just not in the right mind frame nor hungry enough to eat. We eat at 6 - 6.30 pm and then bedtime is at 7 so it would be hard to fit in another snack before then. The kid is really a very healthy and energetic little boy and I am doing my best to keep my own fears in check and I read your blog to help remind me to keep the eye on the long term lessons I teach.
I put appropriate sizes on my daughters plate and I don't make her eat or encourage her to eat more. If she eats, she eats, she's the one who knows if she's hungry or not. often she will eat all of her fruit or bread or something, not touch anything else, and then want more of the thing she ate. Should I give it to her, or in that instance, tell her no because she hasn't eaten anything else, and then encourage her to eat the other stuff on her plate?
Vest, I agree with Dina that the middle of the night snacking needs to stop, but I also agree with you that that will not be an easy or enjoyable task. As a mother who at one point had three, with the oldest four-years-old, I feel your pain. I would recommend, in case you haven't come to this conclusion on your own already, that you tell your son he needs to stop eating in the middle of the night, so that he is warned sufficiently. Or, if telling him the new plan sternly and emphatically won't keep him asleep all night, which I doubt it will, I would wean him off slowly, giving him a half a banana one night. Then give him only a quarter banana the next, each time explaining exactly why you are doing this. Perhaps he can have half his banana right before bed. I don't think cutting him off cold turkey is necessary or worth it.
This was definitely my parenting 'a ha' moment today. In fact, I had a lengthy discussion with a mom friend about this very topic and we were both at a loss. She grew up with a "clean plate club" mentality, and it trying not to impose that on her kids...and I do not recall ever being made to eat more than I desired, and yet I find myself harping on my kids at most every meal to "eat X more bites" before they can be done. This is such a healthy perspective, and one I look forward to trying in our home... stay tuned!
Sometimes I find my kid want more of just the "good stuff," so the only time I really try to get them to eat more is when they ask for more potatoes but haven't yet finished their green beans. "If you want more potatoes, first eat four more beans" etc.
I always presented food and let my kids decide how much they wanted. I just made sure all the choices were healthy and if they selected too much of one type of food one meal, I'd balance it with what I offered the following snack or meal. Now we tend to serve family style most days so my kids still have choices and don't get forced to eat. I enjoyed the article...I was brought up to finish everything and I still tend to overeat myself even though I should know better.
Thanks everyone for the lively and interesting discussion. Tomorrow I'm going to post on what you can do when your child asks for more pasta before he's even touched his peas. Stay tuned!
Dina
Our 4 year old often asks for a snack when dinner is being prepared and I make her wait until dinner to eat. She is also in the habit of eating to get dessert. I serve small portions so she can ask for more if she is still hungry. She eats the small portions on her plate (everything on her plate) and I will give her a dessert. Then 10-20 minutes later she says she's still hungry and wants a snack, even though I asked if she wanted more after finishing her plate and she said no. So my question is should I say no more food after dessert, you need to make sure you have had enough to eat before dessert is served? Or do I give her the snack? I think she just wants the dessert and her preferred snack, something other than what was prepared for dinner (a slice of bread or pretzels). Or if there are leftovers I think I would just offer her some more of that. I just don't feel like we should have to prepare a second meal or snack after more was offered earlier and all the food has been put away for the night.
Wendy,
1) Give your daughter a vegetable snack before dinner if she's hungry. Either something like carrot that you have in the fridge, or some salad or vegetable from the table.
2) Switch up dessert between sweet stuff and fruit.
3) Make dessert portions small and serve them at the same time as dinner. You won't always have to do this but right now you need to neutralize the power of dessert.
4) Talk to your daughter about the relationship between not eating enough dinner and hunger.
5) Decide on a snack time (or a ballpark time) at least an hour or more after dinner and don't give your daughter an after dinner snack until that time. No snacking on demand. If she's hungry she'll have to wait until the snack time. (This is vital.) Offer the snack every night at the same time, regardless of whether you think your daughter is hungry.
6) Make the snack very small, not a preferred food, nutritious, kind of boring. This will ensure that she doesn't hold out for snack at dinner but will eat the snack if she's truly hungry. This is just to tide her over until morning while she works out how much to eat at dinner. Eventually you will eliminate this snack.
7) If your daughter complains about being hungry any time after dinner, calmly talk about the relationship between eating and hunger. Remain calm and if she misbehaves treat this as a behavioral issue not a hunger issue. She'll survive.
Good luck.
Dina
I tend to give my 3 year old larger portions (1/4 cup of each food group) because I'd rather he leave food on his plate. Then I know he's full and I don't have to worry about him wanting seconds unless he's really hungry. We don't force him to eat any more than 2 bites of everything (so he's tried it). My question is; do you think the larger portions are causing him to over eat?
JR
Jr,
I don't know if the larger portions are teaching your child to overeat, but it's certainly a possibility. And if not now, down the road. How much you put your on your child's plate sets his expectations for what an appropriate portion size is. I'm glad he leaves food on his plate because that's a fantastic skill/habit - especially in this age of portion distortion. However, the research clearly shows that portion size influences consumption. So, what is likely to happen is that your child will become accustomed to eating a certain proportion of the food he is served. Then, when he grows up and gets bigger portions (at restaurants, etc.) he'll eat that proportion and that will probably be too much food. I really recommend serving your child small portions that you think are about right (or even smaller than you think he needs) and letting him as for more. With kids, the research really shows that less is more.
Thanks for your thoughtful question.
Best,
Dina