Thanks to Emily, Ishta and Taryn who posted this question on my Facebook Page.
Maybe this will surprise you, but I don’t think it really matters where you feed your kids.
What matters is:
- How you feed your toddler·
- Whether you're teaching your tot the right lessons about eating·
Let me explain.
If you feed your toddler in a variety of venues and she happily eats a wide range of foods without being pressured, coerced or “gamed”—i.e. no begging, no bartering, no cajoling, no reminding, no rewarding, and certainly no tricking (she laughs, you pop a piece of pineapple in)—than I say, “Go for it!”
I don’t care whether you feed your little lovely at the table, in the stroller, while she’s cruising around the living room, or even while she sits in front of the television.
It’s true the research shows that eating with the family, presumably at the table, is a good thing.
I'm not disputing the importance of the family meal. (Here’s a great website about family meals.)
However, it’s more important to teach your toddler to eat than it is to stress about where she sits. And, if the table isn’t working for you, you’re more likely to use better feeding strategies if you stay away from it. Or at least minimize how much time you force your babe to sit there.
On the other hand…if you have to feed your toddler in a particular place or in a particular way—you’ve got to play the game where your toddler is a car who gets gassed up as he drives by, or the one where the “cat” comes mewing by for “treats”—then you’re screwed. You’re locking yourself into a routine that is teaching your tot lots of lessons I’m sure you don’t intend, including:
- The worse your toddler eats at the table, the more fun she has.
- Being resistant to food puts your toddler in a very powerful position. It makes her parents do whatever she wants.
- Your toddler is in control
- Kids lead; parents follow.
These are not the kinds of lessons that produce good eaters. The solution is to find the middle ground.
When it comes to feeding toddlers parents have three conflicting goals:
- Get some decent food into their tots’ tummies.
- Teach their kids to eat right (i.e. teach them what, when, where, why, and how much to eat).
- Civilize their little monsters by helping them cultivate some table manners. (They’re not called stroller, car, or couch manners for a reason.)
Many parents prioritize Goal #1, and I get it:
- Your child's very life depends on her taking in enough nutrients. This is BIG.
- Your sanity depends on your child eating enough to stave off a hunger-induced meltdown or to ensure she sleeps through the night. This is BIG too. (It might even be BIGGER.)
When you focus on one goal at the expense of the others you are setting up a struggle down the road.
Ask yourself if your everyday practices are likely to produce all three of your goals. The answer is probably “no.”
Balance your parenting goals with your child’s developmental needs and personality “quirks.” Allow some eating on the go, but insist on some daily table time too. Then, shift the ratio of rewards—attention, fun, and food delights—to make table-time more enticing. Here’s how:
1) Serve food at the table at least once each day. Think of this time as table practice time and don’t expect too much.
2) Serve the highest quality foods in the most successful venue. Make every bite count. Read 10 Ways Improving Your Kids’ Snacking Will Improve YOUR Life and “Do No Harm” Snacking.
3) Make a hard-and-fast rule to serve soupy, saucy, and syrupy food only at the table. There’s no reason to risk ruining the carpet, the couch or the car. Everything else can be made portable. (Sandwich bits in a baggie are often a big hit!)
4) When you serve dessert, do it at the table. Your child will be more eager to sit and stay.
5) Always sit with your toddler at the table; no one wants to dine alone (even if you aren’t eating).
6) If you are going to play eating games, do this at the table, not in other eating areas. It will make table-time relatively more rewarding.
7) Let your child leave the table after eating, and allow her to come back for dessert.
8) Consider allowing your child to occasionally eat earlier than the adults and to join the meal at the end instead of in the beginning. This will keep table time short and sweet.
9) Make a point of letting your child choose where she wants to eat at least once a day.
10) Lose the mindset that it’s your job to “get your kid to eat.” Instead, encourage eating by changing the food environment. Read more about how to get your kids to eat what you serve!
Most importantly, give up the guilt.
The guilt won’t get you anywhere. Neither will the “do-anything” approach to feeding your child. What will get you to your goals, however, is paying attention to the lesson, intentions and habits that you're teaching.
For more Read When Playing is More Fun than Eating!
~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~