Soul Food for Kids

I vividly remember the first time someone tried to soothe my crying child with a sweet.

It was at the doctor’s office after my daughter had gotten a shot.  She was crying and the nurse offered her a lollypop.

Having watched both my mother’s constant struggle with food, and her premature death from obesity-related issues, I was hyper-attuned to the problems associated with using food to soothe the soul. 

And so, that day at the doctor’s office I whipped the lollypop away from the nurse before my daughter could see it.  I soothed her with hugs and kisses and then, only after my daughter had recovered from the trauma, did I offer up the lollypop.

You see, I wasn’t against the lollypop. I was against teaching my daughter to use sweets to soothe her soul.

Research shows that children learn to eat for emotional reasons as early as age 3.

It’s a startling statistic that makes you think.  Read Using Sweets to Soothe the Soul.

Given my history, I’m sure you can see why I was determined from the get-go not to soothe my sweetheart with food.  And while I haven’t always been as effective as that day in the doctor’s office—Read Cookie Love and you’ll see how I adore feeding my daughter sweets and treats—I’ve been pretty good about using food as, well, food.  And it is a good thing too.

A new study shows that mothers who reported using food to soothe their kids tend to have heavier children.

I’m not interested in vilifying mothers.

For starters, I am one, and raising children is hard to do (especially, if like me, you sometimes feel like you’re raising your husband too!).  What’s more, I don’t think anyone is ever really prepared to handle the range of issues that come up with kids.   Sometimes food can be a handy tool.

Here’s the study:

• Gather 100 mothers of 3-36 month old children.
• Ask the mothers a bunch of questions about how they meet their children’s basic needs (feeding, sleeping, crying, soothing).
• Gather data about the children’s height/length and weight.
• Ask the mothers to assess how they feel about their competence as parents, and how ably they feel they meet their children’s needs.
• Ask the mothers to assess their infant’s temperament.
• Crunch the numbers and see what happens.

Mothers who used food to soothe were more likely to describe their infants and toddlers as having a negative temperament.

The mothers were also more likely to feel that they were not effective parents, especially when it came to being able to soothe their children. 

Mothers who used food to soothe their children had heavier children.

Mothers who used food to soothe children with negative temperaments had even heavier children.

Much of the emphasis on child obesity is directed towards identifying the kinds of foods that lead to weight gain. 

This research shows that we need to move beyond thinking about what our kids eat, and start considering why they eat the way they do. 

In this study, the researchers found that using food to soothe the soul can be a successful strategy.  However, the long-term costs are probably pretty high, particularly for children with challenging personalities.

Soothing kids with food teaches them a bunch of bad habits, including these: 

• To use distress (not just hunger) as a cue to eat.
• That eating has rewards (i.e. emotional relief) beyond taste and satiation.

The more negative the child, the more opportunities for soothing, the more risk there is for becoming overweight.

When parents do NOT use food to soothe their kids, especially those with highly negative personalities, the risk for childhood obesity is reduced.

This is good news. 

I think it’s safe to say that nobody wants their kids to be overweight.  This study shows that by switching soothing strategies—consider hugs instead of handouts—parent can teach their kids the habits they need for a lifetime of healthy eating.

~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~

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Stifter, C. A., S. Anzman-Frasca, L. L. Birch, and K. Voegtline. 2011. “Parent Use of Food to Soothe Infant/Toddler Distress and Child Weight Status. an Exploratory Study.” Appetite 57: 693-99. 

The Portion Size Problem: A Matter of Trust

The problem with portion size is this: Parents don’t trust their kids to get it right.

Think about it, if you thought your children would eat the right amount you wouldn't have to intervene. But you get involved because there's lot of evidence that your kids are kind of crappy about portion control.

Overeating gets all the media attention but most parents of young children are more worried about under-eating. In one study of kindergarteners, 85% of parents tried to get their kids to eat more.  

Rather than control your kids' consumption, consider teaching your kids to self-regulate..accurately. Researchers accomplished this task in 6 weeks.  You can too.  (Read on for details.)

As I see it, the trust problem stems from two sources.

First:

• Parents know kids are born being able to regulate how much to eat. Parents take this to mean their kids won’t overeat. (And this is true unless parents subvert their kid’s natural instincts which we do all the time. Read Two More Bites.)

• Parents also know that kids frequently under-eat. They haven’t yet learned to gauge how much food they need to get from one eating opportunity to another. (And many young kids don’t understand why they can’t eat whenever they want to….like later, after they’re done playing!)  In the short-term, under-eating can be a big problem for parents.

At the same time:

• Either, parents think that young children know when they’re hungry and when they’re full (but they still have to be trained to eat enough food at the right times).
• Or, parents think young kids don’t really know how hungry or full they are and they’re not capable of learning this at such an early age.

The result is a situation where parents are willing to risk teaching their kids to overeat in order to make sure their kids don't under-eat.  It's a high-stakes gamble.

Research shows children vary in their ability to self-regulate how much they eat.

So you might be right to distrust your kids. Some kids naturally eat more than they need. Other kids stop eating way too soon.

Unfortunately, many of the tactics most parents rely on to solve the situation simply make it worse. Kids respond to pressure by eating less or to restriction by eating more.

But even when parental prodding is relatively benign consider this: 

When parents control how much kids eat, children don't learn to self-regulate—they don't learn to do the job on their own.  

You've got to let go.

Teach your kids to self-regulate.

In one study, researchers taught a group of 3-4 year old children to self-regulate. They:

• Talked about the concepts of hunger, satiety and overeating.
• Educated the children on the anatomy of eating: mouth (for chewing), esophagus (for swallowing) and stomach (where the food goes when swallowed).
• Provided playtime with dolls with external stomachs that showed different levels of fullness.
• Encouraged the children to check in with their internal cues of hunger and fullness before, during, and after eating.

You can do all of this at home—even the dolls. The stomachs were made from nylon material (i.e. stockings) and were filled to varying degrees with salt. Make a few and strap them on to a couple of Barbies.

1. Children played with the dolls and were taught to identify the stomachs with different amount of fullness.
2. The children were asked to place their hand over their own stomach and tell whether they were hungry, a little full or very full.
3. The children were asked to choose the doll stomach that was most like the state of their own stomach at various times throughout the day. 

Will your kids make mistakes if you leave the eating up to them?  Sure.  But that’s how they learn.

The  key is to talk to your kids about the underlying issues (hunger and satiation) and to focus less on the food. 

Set appropriate times for meals and snacks—no eating on demand—and then let your kids practice, practice, practice. It won't just solve your short-term problems, it'll teach your kids the habits they need for a lifetime of healthy eating.

Remember, you have to let your children choose not to eat in order for them to choose to eat. (It's a freedom thing.) And you have to allow them to choose not to eat enough in order for them to learn to get it right. If this freaks you out read The Upside of Hunger.

For more on this topic read: 

• Are You Teaching Your Toddler to Overeat?
• How to Serve Seconds Without Hurting Your Kids' Habits

 ~Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits.~

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Sources:

Orrell-Valente, J. K., L. G. Hill, W. A. Brechwald, K. A. Dodge, G. S. Pettit, and J. E. Bates. 2007. “"Just Three More Bites": an Observational Analysis of Parents' Socialization of Children's Eating At Mealtime.” Appetite48(1): 37-45.

Johnson, S. L. 2000. “Improving Preschoolers' Self-Regulation of Energy Intake.” Pediatrics 106(6): 1429-35.

Are You Teaching Your Toddler to Overeat?

What are you teaching your toddler about how much to eat?

I know that everything you’ve ever read says that infants and toddlers self-regulate. That they only eat what they need. That they don’t overeat.

And that’s all true.  Unless parents interfere with those internal mechanisms.  And we all do it.  All the time.

In one study of kindergarteners, 85% of the parents tried to get their kids to eat more.  In fact, encouraging consumption was such a common phenomenon that the researchers were compelled to conclude that the majority of parents of young children have one primary goal: to get their kids to eat more during meals.  Read Two More Bites.

I’ve written about the hazard of pushing your kids to eat more bites than they want—Read The Hunger Dilemma—but the problem of portion size is an equally important pitfall.  It’s one of the key ways in which parents inadvertently override their children’s internal self-regulation system.

According to recent research:

• You are probably teaching your toddlers to eat too much.
• Portion sizes are out of control—even for toddlers.  
• Most kids take in more calories than they need.

Portion size is not an insignificant issue.  Research shows that how much you serve determines how much your kids eat. 

Read Size Matters.

When we spend the first few years of our kids’ lives getting them to eat more, is it any wonder that they have to spend the rest of their lives trying to eat less?  Habits learned early in life tend to stick around.

I’m not blaming parents.  In fact, it’s almost impossible not to overfeed your kids in the current food environment.

Most foods are 2-5 times larger than they were years ago.  Read How Big is that Bag? Eating in the Age of Portion Distortion.

But it’s not just that.  Our cultural obsession with nutrition has created a culture of consumption.  Everything you ever hear about nutrition centers on how much people should eat. 

It’s not surprising that most parents are left with an uneasy feeling that they need to get more into their kids.  More protein. More calcium. More fiber. More fruits. And, of course, more vegetables.

(One comment I read on someone's blog said that the writer didn't believe the government guidelines were adequate.  She tried to get as much protein into her child as possible.)

Parents aren’t alone in their obsession with consumption. Read my Huffington Post piece: Are Pediatricians Hurting Your Toddler’s Eating Habits.

Stop worrying about nutrition. Research shows that our kids are generally taking in the nutrients they need. 

Who knew?  Our kids are getting their vitamins and minerals!

True, there are pockets of deficiencies—some kids aren’t getting enough iron for instance—but studies show that U.S. infants, toddlers and preschoolers are more likely to meet or exceed nutritional guidelines.

I’m not saying that there isn’t room for improvement.

• Dietary fiber intake is too low.
• Saturated fat intake is too high.
• And fruit and vegetable consumption should be improved (as much for the fiber these foods contain as for anything else).

Want your kids to eat better?  Shift what they eat. Then, abandon any effort to make your kids to eat more food whenever you serve up the good stuff. 

Serve less food.  And let your child come back for more.

It's the simplest way to teach the right habits. Especially if you aren't really sure what the right serving size is.

Did you know that an appropriate portion of pasta for a 2 year old is 1/4 cup?  That's 1/3 of a packet of Annie’s Real Aged Cheddar Microwavable Mac & Cheese.  When was the last time you cooked up the entire packet but then served only 1/3?

One strategy for figuring out the right serving size is to use the Tablespoon technique.

Give your child a tablespoon of food per year of age.  For a 2 year old this turns out to be...

• Breads and Grains: ½ slice of bread, ¼ cup pasta or cereal.
• Vegetables: 2 Tablespoons
• Fruits: 2 Tablespoons
• Dairy: ½ Cup
• Meat and meat substitute: 2 Tablespoons.

(I know these aren't all measured in Tablespoons. Don't blame me. I didn't invent the method.)

Children learn how to select an appropriate, child-sized serving from adults.

Every time you put a portion on the plate you are teaching your tots how much food they ought to eat.

So err on the side of serving smaller sizes and let your kids come back for more. It’s a habit that will set them up for a lifetime of healthy eating.

 ~ Changing the conversation from nutrition to habits. ~

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Sources:

Butte, N. F., M. K. Fox, R. R. Briefel, A. M. Siega-Riz, J. T. Dwyer, D. M. Deming, and K. C. Reidy. 2010. “Nutrient Intakes of U.S. Infants, Toddlers, and Preschoolers Meet Or Exceed Dietary Reference Intakes.” Journal of the American Dietetic Association Suppl 3, 110 (12): S27-S37. 

Ramsay, S. A., L. J. Branen, and S. L. Johnson. 2012. “How Much is Enough? Tablespoon Per Year of Age Approach Meets Nutrient Needs of Children.” Appetite 58: 163-67.